The Chronicle of Cait is time for me to talk about my lifestyle, my feelings, and what it's like to be me. It's a regular chronicle of the events taking place in my life. While it probably won't be a huge benefit for the anonymous reader, there are those in my life that I have trouble keeping in touch with. I'm hoping to share more information with that audience should they choose to read it.

Hoo-boy. Let's see if I can squeeze another chronicle out before the month ends, yeah? Great. I'm going to cover February and March this time considering it's presently the second to last day of March.

Objet Trouvé

In February, a couple friends and I got to visit the Phildelphia Museum of Art. I don't get to see these friends particularly often so it was great to hang out and browse the various galleries. Here's some photos from the trip.

Fountain and me #duchamp #readymade @philamuseum

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Fountain #duchamp #readymade @philamuseum

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Tea House @philamuseum

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Bicycle Wheel #duchamp #readymade @philamuseum

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As you might guess from the photos, I'm a big fan of Marcel Duchamp. Art is what you make it. 😊

Job Nonsense

It's been about five weeks now that I haven't had an official project to work on at work. People like to say that they have plenty of work for me to do, but honestly I just want to start a new project and get on with things. In with the new, out with the old.

I've been keeping myself busy by clearing up loose ends from my prior role and training in the new programming languages we're supposed to be using. I'm really excited to put these skills to use, because they'll open the door going forward for me to have a better career. We're supposed to being using some quality stuff like Angular and Node.js - all of which are very exciting and modern.

But first, we have to actually to start the projects my team is slated to work on. Unfortunately management seems set on screwing around, or so it seems. We get these emails that are like, "Hey, we are going to start work on this thing any minute, but first could you take some time to send us a list of your skills so we can see if it'll work out for you? We don't want to grill your asses with training because you didn't have the skill set up front, even though we could've started training you to do this role from day one. We're slated for a release of sometime next year, but we don't really know when yet, but in the mean time, please just send us your skill set. Oh yeah, by the way, please let us know what the status is of these old, dead projects you've been working on are. We might want you to keep working on those projects too, even though it doesn't really fit the timeline of the project we kinda want you working on. Yada, yada, yada." As you can see I'm pretty sick of it.

I am working on changing this situation, as I'm tired of writing about how much my job sucks. More on that to come later.

Yet Another Mental Health Update

Following the job merger, my health care benefits changed making it infeasible for me to continue attending therapy with my current provider. I knew it was coming. I had checked with my provider before the new benefits were in place. It still sucks though. I really liked seeing my therapist. We had a good relationship.

But it's not all doom and gloom, in fact, I've been doing quite well lately. Both my therapist and I agreed it was time to move on. I'm no longer clinically depressed, but more than that I feel pretty good about my current mood and well-being. My self-esteem is up. I have more energy than I used to. I'm able to focus on a positive lifestyle. Generally, things are going quite well which is more than I could say before. In time I might like to find a new therapist, but for now I'm good.

However, I wish I could say that my environment was making it easy maintain a good mood. I struggle to fit in with the world around me, or at least it feels that way. Just think about the shit in the news and how much of it applies to me, and well, it's just demoralizing. It's like I live in two different worlds. In one world, I'm Cait with a job, a home, and people who support me. In another, I'm a monster who, to some, doesn't deserve to breathe. There's this huge dissonance between the two worlds and I'm never quite sure when the two will overlap, especially when discussing new opportunities with strangers. People form judgement based solely on the news before they have a chance to get to know me. If you think I'm just complaining, I'd be happy to provide some real life examples that correlate to my worries.

In any case, I want to make things better for myself. I'd like to do that without having to worry about how steep the hill is in front of me, just because I'm me. Not to mention, that this is on top of everything else being just normally difficult, like regular life shit that people deal with. So yeah. Oh, if I could only educate the ignorant.

I'm Going To Be An Aunt!

In other news, my sister is expecting her first baby boy and is due very soon! I'm super excited to be an aunt. I can't have kids myself, so I plan to spoil the heck out of her's. Here's some photos from my sister's baby shower.

@amschneider28's baby shower. I'm proud to be a soon-to-be aunt of her first baby boy. 🐣💗

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Hot Jam

My mom and I made jelly early in March. Unfortunately, I forgot to take some pictures. We made two types of jelly: Hot Pepper Jelly made with bell peppers and jalapenos, and Cranberry and Jalapeno jam. Both recipes turned out quite well. They aren't too spicy either. I expected the Cranberry Jalapeno to be a little more on the spicy side because the recipe called for a Serrano pepper, but it turned out to be more of a garnish. Like most jellies they're sweet, but they have some kick after the initial sweetness. Both jellies are really good with crackers and cream cheese. To top it off, Mom and I both have a few jars to last us through next year. If you're interested in trying some, please let me know. I'll make sure to bring some with me the next we meet.

Hyperlink Hoedown

Here's a list of links that I found particularly interesting over the past month. You should check them out.

Cis People: Give Your Pickles To Trans Women:

"If I was a cis woman, this post would probably be about tofu, because my first relationships with other women involved a lot of vegetarian cooking, or La Croix, which almost every queer woman I know loves, either in earnest or ironically. Superfluous affect as gender/sexuality-confirming isn’t the exclusive domain of trans women."

I definitely garnered a love for pickles after starting hormone therapy. The article goes into good detail as to why, so please take a moment to read through and appreciate my appreciation of pickles.

Broken dragons: In praise of Morrowind, a game about game design:

"It's this, for me, that makes Morrowind worth revisiting, much as the game's clumsy and unintuitive combat may frustrate. It's part of that rare pantheon of games that apply themselves imaginatively to what other designers might term the constraints of design, technology or production - a game that sees the apparatus of, say, saving your game not as an artificial structure that must be ignored, explained away or guiltily made fun of, but as a means of continuing the fantasy."

Morrowind is still one of the strongest role-playing games I've ever had the opportunity to play. There's plenty to dig into as a first-person narrative, but once you realize that it can break the fourth wall, it starts showing attributes from real life in ways one might not expect at first glance. It's well worth playing and the article is definitely something you should read too, if you're interested.

Other Interesting Crap

That wraps up this edition of The Chronicle of Cait. Please come back next month for more details about my on-goings. Until then, please enjoy some other interesting crap about me.